For sale: my clothes and a pair of heels

From Urban OG. Pink platform heels with black bow detail. Made of man-made leather. Size US 6.5. Never worn outdoors, slight scuffing. Edges of seams are raw, click to enlarge. 4.5 inch heel, 1 inch platform. $15.


Ebase black and white striped halterneck with ruched bust, 95% cotton, 5% spandex, Size S. Good condition. $7.


Satin handkerchief hem empire waist dress with low cross back and underbust drawstring. Never worn before. Free size. $18.


Target black ruffled dress, size S, 100% rayon. Worn once. Click here to see original product. $19.


Target black ruffled tank. Worn once. 100% rayon, size S. $10. For original product, click here.


Size M, Uniqlo UT Women's World Creative Magazine, tunic-length, good condition. $10.


Size M, Uniqlo UT, good condition, A-line cut, slightly sheer. $10.

Meet-ups available, postage fees will be given upon request. Email me at hejinblog@yahoo.com for further details. Thank you!

You don't know my name.

The H1N1 flu first seemed like a distant, other-worldly disease that wouldn't affect my personal life. But now it's hitting closer to home, as friends of friends get infected with the disease and friends get quarantined at home. I feel almost engulfed by this flu virus, the flu virus with a name.

I was struck with nostalgia out of nowhere, thinking of all the people that have walked in and out of my life and hoping that they are happy (happier?) in their present lives without me. I'm definitely not the first person who has waxed philosophical about how fragile relationships are, but it is something that I felt strongly about and will always feel strongly about. When you're no longer in the same school or workplace, you realise how little in common you actually have with your former friends and start to wonder if the relationship had actually meant anything at all. Was it merely a friendship of convenience, a friendship to be discarded once it ceased to be convenient? I guess the effort needed to preserve the relationship exceeds the value of the relationship. Which is quite sad; that as if what transpired never meant anything at all.

Shaz is right, that "relationships are like claps, because you need both parties to commit and make what matters most between both parties work." There's only so much I can do to make things work. And if my eager hand is raised only to meet the still air of space... (If I'm Zen, I'd subscribe to the philosophy that a lone hand could clap.) There is nothing I can do except to be stoic and soldier on.

I can only wish that you are happy.

*******

"you know it's like picking the words out of my head
only the two of you have ever been able to do it"

I wish I could say this about someone else too. There's always something missing in my relationships with others. I might find someone physically attractive (and he finds me physically attractive too), but there just isn't chemistry, emotional or sexual. I might think I have emotional and sexual chemistry with someone and find him a great pleasure to look at, but logically I know we are intellectually and socially incompatible and wait - can you actually have sexual chemistry with someone who is a bad kisser? Then there might be someone who is a fantastic kisser, and someone I am socially compatible with and can have intellectual banter with, and someone who actually seems to care for inferior ol' me, but I just don't have that sort of 'feeling' for him. Sad, isn't it.

And none of these people are able to pick the words out of my head. What is it that's missing, anyway? Maybe I'm being too picky, eh.

Everyday, I hope to be a better person. And everyone helps me to be one. Even the liars, hypocrites, and bastards. Especially the liars, hypocrites and bastards.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't

...just about accurately sums up my entire life right now.

For sale: my sewing paper pattern loot

I don't think this is the right platform for selling my junk, but I'll try anyway. I am selling a variety of sewing paper patterns. If you're into dressmaking you might find something interesting. Paper patterns are only sold in Spotlight in Singapore, and they are pretty overpriced. I am passing on those savings to you, my friend.


A sweetheart neckline dress with a classic silhouette that accentuates the female form and reveals just the right amount of decolletage.

For sizes 8-16.
Suggested fabrics: cotton sateen, georgette, satin, shantung linen, stretch poly cottons, crepe back satin.
Notions required: thread, 1 x 46cm invisible zip, and one set small hook and eye.
Pattern uncut, going for SGD9 (SOLD)


Ethereal, dreamy, empire-waist, off-shoulder, handkerchief hem top with optional tie belt that can be worn for everyday romance or a costume party. McCall's 4256, for sizes XS to M. Pattern includes four different variations on length of hem and type of sleeve, whether bell-sleeved or puffed. This pattern is now out-of-print, get it before you can't!

This is my version of it:


Pretty, ain't it? I made mine in a lightweight, sheer cotton muslin.

For sizes 4 to 14.
Suggested fabrics: Lightweight fabrics such as Challis, Crepe, Georgette, Chiffon.
Notions required: Thread, elastic
Pattern uncut, going for SGD 11


A basic camisole pattern with lace trim to be made in different fabrics of your own choosing. Very easy to make, a good choice for beginners.

My version of it:

Sizes 8 to 16
Suggested fabrics: charmeuse, satin, faille, georgette
Pattern uncut, going for SGD6


Vogue 8119 formal shirt pattern, a basic with a beautiful cut. 5 different variations in one pattern.

Fits sizes 8 to 12
Semi-fitted shirt has princess seams, front band and long sleeves pleated into cuff.
Suggested fabrics: Cotton shirting, silk charmeause, tissue faille, paper taffeta
Pattern uncut, going for SGD 9 (SOLD)


The newest pattern I have of the bunch. An Issey Miyake design for Vogue, pattern 1022. A loose-fitting jacket with shawl collar, full length sleeves, and drapey hem. Pattern also includes a pair of loose-fitting, straight-leg pants with side slant pockets, fly front closing, contour waistband and carriers, button closure. Very gorgeous: I bought about 5m worth of cotton jersey, all set to make this up, but ended up dyeing the fabric blotchily and gave up the venture.

Fits S to M
Suggested fabrics: tropical weight wool, lightweight knits
Notions required: 7" zipper, two 5/8" buttons for pants
Pattern uncut, going for SGD 14

Also going for sale are my past issues of Burda magazine. Each issue has over 30 different patterns, all of them uncut and intact. I have:

June 06
August 06 (SOLD)
September 06
Jan 08 (French version)
March 08
April 08 (SOLD)

For more detailed info on each issue, please click on its corresponding link to view the designs available in the respect issue. The magazines are going for SGD5 each!

Meet-ups available, postage fees will be given upon request. Email me at hejinblog@yahoo.com for further details. Thank you!

For sale: some of my books

1. The Lost Boy by Dave Pelzer - $5 (SOLD)
A sequel to the heartbreaking and authentic account titled A Child Called It also written by the same author, it chronicles his struggles as a teenager whose adolescent pangs are intensified by a lack of family.

Good condition, pages are slightly yellowed

2. Close Range: Brokeback Mountain and Other Stories by Annie Proulx - $7 (SOLD)
Caught the heartwrenching movie but didn't read the book? This is your opportunity to appreciate the movie with context.

Excellent condition

3. The Diving Bell and The Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby - $10 (SOLD)
A well-known French journalist who could only blink his left eyelid after suffering a massive stroke tells an exquisitely poignant tale of being locked into his own body. He wrote the entire book by blinking when the correct letter was reached by a person slowly reciting the alphabet over and over again. Bauby had to compose and edit the book entirely in his head, and convey it one letter at a time.

Excellent condition

4. How Baking Works: Exploring the Fundamentals of Baking Science by Paula I. Figoni - retailing at $70, selling at $45
For baking enthusiasts who wish to tweak tried-and-true recipes to their own preferences. Offers a lot of insight into the chemical processes behind baking as well.

Excellent condition

Meet-ups available, postage fees upon request. Further enquiries should be directed to hejinblog@yahoo.com. Thank you!

Whirlwind of events.

From my virgin clubbing experience three weeks ago in the eighteen and a half years of my existence, I took a complete revolution and went twice last week. (Rebel on Wednesday, dbl O on Friday) If I had to pinpoint the exact instance where my life metamorphosised to the way it is now, it'll be the night I first went to a club. Right after that, I fell sick. I lost my appetite. I started running again. I lost weight. And I am skinny again. And I am wearing all the figure-hugging clothes that I largely ignored for the last six months. And because I am now so busy, I don't have time for housewifey things like baking cheesecakes and white chip macadamia cookies with Bailey's. My weight has an inverse relation to my confidence. Unfortunately, I am also busy enough to not have time to run. But I am involved in other activities that keeps me fit, so it all evens out.

I met up with Vivien, Wan Lin and Leung Yan on Friday night: a bunch of people vastly different from the crowd I've been used to for the past couple of months. What we all have in common is our MBTI type: we're all INTJs. And the fact that we can actually come up with something like that as something we have in common just goes to show how utterly geeky we are. But it's okay, I like to embrace my inner geek :) And Vivien had this mad urge to go to a bar, so we went to The Clinic and Vivien got high. It is damn funny; when she gets high she talks about anime and biological functions. We were trying to discuss if it were possible to ingest something that will chemically react with the alcohol, so it will form an unreactive compound so it won't mess up our nervous system. Hahaha.

I didn't sleep at all on Friday night, took short bursts of 20 minute shut-eye on Saturday, slept about four hours on Saturday night and spent Sunday at work with a blazing headache, nausea, and sporadic hot flashes. I just wikipedia-ed hot flashes, and apparently they are indicative of menopause. Nooo! I will not be prematurely infertile! But I just had more than eight hours of sleep and it feels sooo good to wake up and not having a roaring headache. And it feels infinitely good to be able to nua in front of the computer doing time-wasting nonsense.

Am looking at Facebook photos and I am fairly certain that ugly people date each other. And only ugly people think that they are dating good lookers. How deluded people can get! SUPERFICIALITY FTW!

But my mother says that good-looking men will not make good husbands.

Okay I got to go! Work is the bane of my life D:

Questions and answers.

From Xiaxue's Twitter: Is it worse to have a criminal son or a really slutty daughter?
Confirm slutty daughter worse. Firstly my son could be a really cool criminal who organises bank heists and stuff. Even if he is a second-rate criminal like, I don't know, drug-trafficking, it's still pretty indicative of his guts. Plus being a criminal just means he is devious (but not devious enough to evade capture) and deviant enough. Also, guys can get away with more things. A slutty woman is just a slutty woman; that she could be clever enough to use her feminine wiles is not the first thing that comes to people's minds.

From Jane's blog:
Is it worth it to give it all up for a diamond studded degree or two?
Depending on what "all" means. Does it mean giving up your dignity and integrity? If it does, then no. If it means creating a large hole in your pocket, then it's fine. I personally think that a degree, especially a diamond-studded one, is not just a piece of paper but also means putting you into contexts where you get to interact with other interesting, brilliant and driven people. And you'll be perceived as interesting, brilliant and driven by association.

Is it possible to mend the hole in the soul?
I would think not. I think the soul just evolves to accommodate the hole, but the scar will always remain. Innocence once lost can never be regained.

Is it wise to choose a path of cold indifference?
As opposed to choosing a path of passionate involvement? Recently, I've come to realise the duality of human emotions, that you can be detached and attached all at the same time. It's a very Zen sort of concept that has awoken in me. Don't know why I took so long to figure that out, that you can like engage your body but not your soul, your mind but not your heart. It is probably safer to choose a path of cold indifference, but definitely not wise, since wisdom involves experiencing a whole bunch of things and then having the capacity to reflect about them with measured contemplation, yes? Feeling hurt involves having bad things done to you and reacting to them negatively, and since people cannot avoid having bad things happen to them, they take control of what they can actually control: their reaction. But I think it is impossible to shut down your capacity to react negatively without also shutting down your capacity to react positively, so in effect one is denying one's self of both the pleasures and pangs of life.

Is it human to be devoid of feelings, and to depend solely on rationality?
Of course it isn't human. But maybe if you question yourself deeper, perhaps even seemingly cold, calculated rationality is not that cold and calculated after all. Consider a decision-making process. IMO, typically one feels an irrational inclination to a particular option, then formulates several arguments for that option. I am suddenly reminded of the book Blink, although I didn't read it.

Is contentment a good enough excuse for mediocrity?
It sounds harsh this way, but that's what a lot of people do, don't they? If it works, I guess it is as good an excuse as any other :)

Is it wrong to be discontented and doubting?
Not wrong, but damaging. I don't think it is a moral failing to be malcontent and doubtful, but it would aversely affect the way you lead your life, for reasons I expounded upon in an earlier answer.

Is romantic love merely a thinly veiled ploy designed by nature for the perpetuation of our highly complex species?
I actually think that romantic love is an inevitable byproduct of our complex social hierarchies. Or rather, what we typically consider romantic love to be is definitely a social convention. This is what Wee Kiat thinks about why romantic love has to be exclusive:



I guess you don't need romantic love to bring forth new offspring, but you might need romantic love between the couple to sustain and bring up competent offspring. Romantic love acts as a tacit agreement that whatever they do, they are committed to do it together and do it well, which involves bringing up offspring.

Should religion progress with the times?
I think it should. Then again, isn't the entire idea of religion to behave as a bulwark that holds people through regardless of the zeitgeist? I guess with different eras, people will interpret the same religious scriptures as per their frame of mind, and in that sense, religion will progress with the times.

What ensures solidarity between the mind and the physical body?
The mind-body dualism! I have no idea. I have an inclination to reduce all our thoughts and feelings to neurological firings in our brain, but that answer wouldn't be very satisfying, would it? I think solidarity between mind and body is the norm, so perhaps it would be more useful to ask what would break the solidarity between the mind and the body. Some psychotic disorder, eh? It just occurred to me that psychosis is typically treated by suppressing the symptoms - perhaps even elevating the mind-body disconnect. Gosh, I don't have an answer.

******

Bumped into Jonathan at work, who revealed that he has practically lost touch with his JC friends. It got me thinking that yea, JC friends really don't stick around all that much, and if you're in a clique, it's more out of convenience than a real need to have companions growing up with you. It's quite sad, but I don't think I will stoop to blaming NJC for our predicament; NJ might suck as an organisation (like all large organisations, diseconomies of scale is inevitable), but its students should not be blamed for its failings.

I am always very tempted to say, "we wait, we wait, and the saints and martyrs wait", but I think the Murder in The Cathedral quote will be lost on everyone but my fellow Literature students. (In fact only NJC Lit students will know it, since we were the only school that used that text.) There won't be that common understanding, the flash of recognition, the hint of irony resonant when twin bodies of knowledges reveal an unexpected overlap. I guess that's what I miss most sorely about JC: the vast overlap between our stores of knowledge, because we read the same texts and are taught the same things. I miss the intellectual vibrance, and Jonathan, being a symbol of all that, reminded me of it.

What I dislike about phones, and technology in general, is your - or rather, my - dependence on them to give me affirmation. I've learned to wean myself out of constantly checking my phone for incoming messages, but I just as quickly unlearned it and now I am dependent on my phone's sporadic beepings.

One person said that he feels "damn comfortable around me" and another says he feels a bond with me. I think of these declarations and go, what the fuck, I am supposed to be cultivating an image of detachment and aloofness, I am supposed to be intimidating and unapproachable. I guess I find it appalling that it is possible for others to react to me emotionally, that someone like me elicits an emotional response and not just a rational one. If someone said they liked me because I am intelligent and interesting, I wouldn't be surprised, but if they said they liked me because they feel comfortable around me I wouldn't understand why.